We’re finally reconnecting after our break up and, as I expected, you’re down bad. You’re lonely, you’re depressed, it’s clear you haven’t even been trying to move on (not that you could even if you wanted to). I almost feel bad about how we ended things, but I don’t. Now that you’re single, I’m going to make sure that no one wants to date you except whoever I decide you can date. What woman would come near you after hearing about all the depraved cucktivities you were up to with my new boyfriend and I? Or about your tiny dick and inability to last in bed? It’s time for you to move on so I can get back to my amazing new sex life and you can finally have a sex life of your own. Lucky you, I found your perfect match and I’m going to introduce you to her personally.
