Darling, things in this relationship haven’t really turned out the way I expected it to be. I mean, you’re so…unmanly. So…beta. And I mean that in every single way. I haven’t been satisfied. In fact, I’ve been disappointed. Don’t get me wrong – I love how you clean the house, do the chores, buy me gifts, spoil me and pamper me – but also, the longer I’m with you, the more I realize you’re a bitch. And I am not sexually into that. I downloaded Tinder today. Got quite a few matches, as you’re probably unsurprised to hear. We’re going out on a date tonight. What, are you begging to stay with me? I didn’t say this was a break-up… I like how things are. I’m just improving the relationship.
