You’ve been my friend-zoned puppy for so long now. I’ve been seeing less of you since you became smitten with your new girlfriend. I notice you’re getting closer and I hate it. It’s just a matter of time before she takes your virginity and I lose my control over you. We never speak of these things, of course. You’re too shy to tell me that your’e a virgin, but I know. You’re too private to tell me about your new relationship, but it’s easy to guess. You would never admit to me that you’ve been in love with me for years, but I’ve seen enough signs. Today, after yoga class, I decide it’s time to bring your budding relationship to an end. You need to focus on being my lifelong servant instead.
